Have You Ever Seen So Many Moose Knuckles?

Well hello everybody…

I am currently sitting on the most pimped tour bus I have ever seen. It puts greyhound to shame. The seats are very wide and have like five message settings. Because we are in Taiwan the video system is equipped with karaoke and no I am not kidding. Fortunately, no one has wanted to sing this early in the mourning. Instead they are playing a DVD of Mission Impossible. It is playing with English audio and Chinese subtitles. We are currently headed to a town called Ilan. It is in the northeastern part of Taiwan. The drive is quite pretty. There are huge mountains directly next to the shoreline that make for some hairy turns but breathtaking views. I haven’t had too many opportunities to take good pictures of this but I imagine that we will when we stop.

It seems to be cooler today but Yi-Chen claims that it is because the sun is still behind the clouds. She may be right but it probably also has something to do with the fact that it is only 7 in morning. I obviously won’t be able to send this while on the bus so insert a pause here. I will continue this email when more noteworthy events occur.

The next stop on the bus tour was some temple celebrating some god. I know that sounds vague and like I am disinterested but there are so many gods in the Daoism that I find myself having a lot of trouble remembering who, what, where, when and why. Yi-Chen just reminded me that this temple featured the “god of alcoholism.” There is a little something lost in translation here. But it may be best summed up with this anecdote. As we approached the temple there was a monk out in front doing his thing. “His thing” consisted of being very drunk and tying a bunch of fire crackers to his back and then setting them off. You think I am joking but I am not. It was crazy and the guy looked sincerely out of it. Yi-Chen says that the guy likely will heel very quickly from his fire cracker injuries and that his drunkenness will stop at the drop of a hat. I obviously don’t believe this because the guy looked absolutely trashed. Yi-Chen assured me that this also was not an act, the guy really was as drunk as he looked.

Walking around these temples and witnessing this religion makes me so thankful that I was born in the US and know Jesus Christ. So much of the ritualistic behavior seems counterintuitive to how a relationship with ones god should be. For instance, there is this dice like game that you have to play to determine if you are allowed to talk to the god of the temple you are in. If you succeed in getting him to grant you time, then you find his answer by pulling a sheet out of a box. It’s kind of like using an advent game as the basis of your life. I just can’t imagine this. I love the fact that I can talk to my Lord whenever I want and know that He hears me. I pray that some day these people find that too.

The next temple we visited was in honor of the god of the sea. This was a very popular temple because we were in a port town named Suaou. The main feature in the temple was a very large gold statue of this god. Yi-Chen decided that we should steel it and use the proceeds for our own pleasure. Didn’t sound like a bad idea to me. We ran into logistical problems, however, when we realized the statue weighed like 1000 pounds. So we decided it would just be better if we went to lunch.

For lunch we went with our group to some prearranged “gourmet” meal. I’m thinking that the non-adventurous eaters in this crowd would have been very unhappy. Bailey, in particular would have suffered because there was not a single meal without an animal byproduct. Most of the things I ate were good, the only problem was that there was a definite expectation to try everything. Therefore, I have had lots of new foods, most of which I hope to never have again. One in particular Yi-Chen said was bamboo, this I thought sounded interesting, so I willingly tried it. My description would be that it tasted like many of the bathrooms over here smell. Lovely I know… turns out Yi-Chen was wrong… this particular item was actually the small intestine of a very large fish. This of course didn’t surprise me since I thought it tasted like a restroom.

Speaking of rest rooms I don’t think that I will ever get used to squat toilets. I made it through my entire trip in China with dad without ever using a squat toilet. I have not been so fortunate here. I think the difference is that dad and I primarily visited tourist attractions and with Yi-Chen we are going where the locals go. The locals don’t go in western toilets. Oh well… I’m getting better at it.

This afternoon we went to Dongshan River Park and the National Center for Traditional Art. It was a little slow paced but interesting enough. We saw some traditional dances and amazing bamboo carvings. We also went on a river boat ride which was wonderfully timed because it was hot as heck outside.

While I am thinking of them I want to note some of the random fun facts of Taiwan:

1. There are still way less ex-pats than I expected. I am the only white person we have seen today.

2. Cops drive with their lights on at all times. If they are in an emergency or pulling someone over, then they use their sirens.

3. Taiwanese people seem to not wear sunglasses. It was very bright out this afternoon and I saw maybe three pairs.

4. Ling (Yi-Chen’s sister) and 95% of Taiwanese women use umbrellas rain or shine… literally.

5. Manners, at least as we would think of them, don’t exist here. Men and women burp loudly here without so much as a reaction (tell your mom Ilsa). Nose picking is the norm (as well as crotch picking). And these things say nothing about the food slurping. I didn’t know it was possible to slurp things that aren’t liquid but evidently it is. Joel you wouldn’t even have to hum to hide your farts because no one cares.

6. DRINKING… it is amazing how much the people drink here. At lunch there were at least 20 toasts. I don’t know how they do it and it is not just the men. The one woman who was at our table probably outdrank the guys. If that is required to do business here, then my business may have to stay on shore.

7. I have never seen so many moose knuckles in my life. I think the reason that most Asian people are short is because they restrict blood flow to certain parts of their anatomy because of the height of their pants. $50 bucks says that no one has ever seen a plumber’s crack here.


I think that two pages is plenty for you all to wake up to. Yi-Chen has a short message below that she typed while we were on the bus.

I hope everyone is well and I will write again soon.

Katy

“Hi! John and Leslie,

This is yichen saying hi to you….Hope you doing well. Visit me next time.”


I can’t help but just add one more quick thing about tonight’s dinner… Karaoke is seriously EVERYWHERE… Yi-Chen’s dad was belting out the songs… HILARIOUS… Ling sang too… I have video (not great quality) that gets the point across. I really wish you all could be here to experience it with me. Maybe next time… and Dad there better be a next time and you better be here or Ling and Yi-Chen won’t forgive you. Ling says she misses you and that she misses mom’s corn pudding. Yi-Chen says that she will visit you in the summer mom and she expects you to make her pudding.


Till Tomorrow,
Katy